Tuning In
Our natural state, our truest self, is connected. We’re always longing for this on some level. But how do we actually move toward that?
Lately I have been hermit-ing away, spending my time in disembodied ways. After a while without practicing presence and accessing a grounded, connected center, approaching that inner place can be scary. What will happen to us if we touch that interior mystery? Anxiety and pain tend to gather around the doorways to our spirits, and with time the buildup of this very viscerally feels unsafe when we dip our toe in the waters of the Deeper Things. This is at least true for me; what once was navigable feels disorganized, chaotic, and overwhelming. My longing and reaching for connectedness bumps up against my instinct to turn away from what seems unsafe — I turn away from the doorway to my spirit.
I experienced this yesterday as I attempted to tune in for the first time in a while. Encountering anxiety instead of peace rattled me and lingered this morning after a less-than-restful night of sleep. My dog and I walked through a nearly-empty park, being comforted a little by trees that we greeted, and I settled onto a bench hoping that outdoor meditation would help. Finding only more anxiety in the stillness, I again feel an instinctive urge to leave this endeavor behind and close the door to my interior world on the way out.
(I want to note that this is natural. Our defenses are kind parts of us that ought to be honored and not rejected. These reactions are information for us to factor in to our intentional choices — sometimes our bodies need us to move away from the painful thing and sometimes they need us to let the pain move through us. It’s not always easy to distinguish between the two, and certainly not at first. This takes time to learn. I have been practicing this for years and it still took me some time this morning to discern what I needed. We can be patient with ourselves.)
Fortunately, I have experienced this enough times to 1) know that there is peace on the other side of moving through this hard feeling and 2) have a toolbox of practices to try when one isn’t working. I needed something gentler. I had stumbled into my pattern of trying to reach the spirit through the mind and instead needed to shift toward the soft doorway of the body.
A body scan can bring up a great deal of discomfort as well, but for me it is an easier way to ground and allow sensations to pass through me without getting stuck. The key for me is to notice my sensations from the inside out. when practicing that this morning, I found that I not only settled into safety in my body but also tuned in to something beyond me too, just outside of my skin. tapping into the spiritual, I felt a sense of wholeness and ease. I had found my way back to the edge of that enlivening unity that we long for.
When was the last time you tuned in to your spirit?
What blocks do you hit when engaging your interior world?
What practices ground and nourish you?
If you are longing to access your spiritual resources and connectedness but are hitting roadblocks or don’t know where to begin, know that this is normal and that there are supports available for you. We live in a time when wisdom about spiritual practice and development can be found through all sorts of sources: books, podcasts, websites, local organizations, etc. If, however, you want a companion and guide on the journey, I would be thrilled to support you in this way. You can learn about my spiritual care offerings at www.tuninginseattle.com and reach out to me at nicole@tuninginseattle.com. Let’s tune in together!
